Like somehow joking about things makes it so I don’t have to face the severity of my pain, of how much it hurts me. I make gay jokes about myself all the time, when that’s the hardest part of my life to accept. I make jokes about being in love with my best friend, to the point where we had a pretend relationship, when there was nothing I wanted more than to tell her how I truly felt. I make jokes about my parents fighting again when their yells have made me hide in my room since I was a kid.I make jokes about being in the psych ward without acknowledging the fact that I got so bad I was forced to go there. I make jokes about my insecurities, my weaknesses, my addictions, my struggles and just about everything in between. I guess because if there is one thing I fear more than anything, it’s myself,my honesty, my vulnerability, my pain. Like it is easier to joke about those things in my life that make me hurt the most.
Is this a thing?